Don't Wig Out Man

Made a hairy decision that you regret?

We’ve all done it. We’ve made an impulsive decision that led to a repulsive result.

Like the time Mom decided she needed to change it up a bit and become a curly bobtailed blonde, turning her head away from her Irish-Scottish brunette heritage.

If she had given it a second thought, she may have questioned why her egocentric and energy-springing offspring suddenly gathered and gawked like goslings around her when she modeled her JC Penney golden wig.

Alas, the wig’s goose wasn’t even cooked when Mom wore it that Friday night at the Fargo Elks Lodge, where she ordered a dry martini with a twist of heads.

I’m pretty sure she only wore it once more in public. I can still hear Cousin Jack’s profanity-ladened outcry as our station wagon, stuffed with Stoas and Mom’s synthetic wig, rolled down Jack’s quarter-mile gravel farm road one brisk October evening.

“Who the hell is that blonde and what the #!@%? hell did you do with your wife,” he yelled at Dad.

Mom and Dad, and Jack and Billie had a good laugh as Mom pulled the Lion King-like headdress from her head and spun it briefly on her hand.

With hints of melancholy and perhaps cold judgment, she muttered, “It’s way too hot to wear this thing in Fargo anyway.”

Shortly after, Mom’s wig was relegated to the family room closet next to a box of mismatched mittens, scarves and caps. Aside from the occasional modeling by a family member for a parting shot at Mom's hair-raising fashion sense, the wig performed its swan song when I lent it to a sorority sister who went to a Halloween party as Groucho Marx a few Octobers later.

Now what’s the life lesson from this story?

Let’s not wig out on a bunch of new resolutions to be better or something different in 2021. Let’s be our authentic selves, split ends and all, and see where we head and what we can do this year when we believe in ourselves.

And. If this New Year’s Donchyaknow Life Lesson falls flat, I’m reminded of a saying from Groucho Marx, “I’m sorry. Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them… well, I have others.”

See you next time for another life lesson to see and bring out the best in yourself and others.

Happy, healthy, headstrong New Year.

Judi Stoa’s Donchyaknow Life Lessons to see and bring out the best in yourself and others

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Website: Judi Stoa Books

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